My story, my testimony Part 3

The women in my Connect Group encouraged me to pray for Jason or even with Jason. Ummm, that would be totally awkward I thought since we didn't even talk about God at home! They also encouraged me to pray for those around me that we were having major relational change with. I struggled with a lot of things during this transitional time.... pride mostly. Why would I pray for someone that I just had an argument with? Why would I pray for others in my life that kept continually hurting me on a regular basis? But I started praying, and God forgave me that the prayers weren't whole-hearted at all...actually they were kinda angry I'm sure. Know what's crazy? I kept praying and instead of changing all those around me...my heart changed. It was such a difficult, transitional time, but God was 'conditioning' my heart for what was to come & trying to get me to be a follower! God began blessing my husband & I....we found out we were expecting our 2nd child, Jason got his dream job, and some relationships in our lives began improving. (other difficult situations still remained in our lives so not everything was 'perfect' by any means. God was using those situations as well for our good....He's amazing like that...He uses terrible, difficult situations in our lives & makes them for our betterment!)

The way God was working on our hearts was His way of getting us ready for what was to come. In May of 2011 our close friends lost their baby, Jude, to SIDS. Baby Jude & our son Graham were only 10 days apart. Jason & I were devastated for them. We have heard of things like this that happen but they don't happen to people we know. We just couldn't wrap our brains around it. We were still reeling & greiving for our friends when 5 weeks later the horrific events in our family that I talk about in Part 1 began.

In the days during & after Vera's passing we gave in, we gave up, we surrendered. Jason & I knew that we would not survive this time if we did not surrender it all to God. I especially wouldn't have made it.....if I was in the same place I was at the beginning of Part 1, everything would have been so different in my life & it would have been my fault. I thank God everyday for 'conditioning' me to help prepare me to depend completely on Him so that I could make it through this. Jason & I prayed together out loud for the first time the days after this tragedy. You'll hear Christians use the term "They 'get it'" or "So-and- so doesn't 'get it'" Those days afterward... we "got it". We got the love of Christ, we got what it meant to have a relationship with God, we got the heart filled Christ feeling. I like to call this the "smack on the forehead" effect! God had been trying to get our attention for so long & Vera's passing was what got our attention. He took the tragedy of her passing for our betterment, we became Christians....not just Sunday Christians (or fans) but followers. This was the time Jason & I became followers of Christ. I regret that it took the passing of my beautiful neice for God to get my attention....I wish I would have 'come around' before that, how different my life would have been, how much better....but everything in my past, my story, my testimony, may touch someone else's heart, that's why He wanted me to put it out there. I'm here now & He loves me no matter when I finally 'got it'.

God set so many things into motion: When Vera passed I had just started a new job in which the company donated food, flowers & understanding to the funeral, then He put the perfect house for us in our path so that we could move out of my parents house, then Jay finished training & became a full-time firefighter/paramedic for the city of Columbus (his dream job), we had found the perfect sitter whom we trusted & loved but she had an injury & couldn't care for our kids for months. Jason & I fully believe God placed that in our lives to force me to stay home because that is what He was calling me to do. Friends & even aquaintances came to Christ or just started coming to church because of Vera's passing. God took such a horrific tragedy in our family & created so many blessings!

I'm still in awe of what God is doing in my life. Jason & I joined a Connect Group. We love every single person in that group so much & each of them have impacted our life. We also began teaching Sunday school to kindergartners......yes, this we prayed about, still had our doubts but were encouraged by the Children's Ministry director/pastor that he prayed about it & we are the perfect people for the job! Uh....ok....reluctant about our abilities, we agreed. I was all for the learning part & working with kids. Jason on the other hand, said he was not going to do it but I got him to agree to just stand in the classroom as my "bouncer" & if I needed help passing out papers or something. I can't believe the change! Jason does the sound (and we are actually lost without him when he has to work because he is so fantastic at it!), we also team teach in the classroom! I don't like to teach a Sunday without him & it has created so much growth together in our marriage & parenting! I have become a 'host teacher' which means while Jason is doing the sound I'm doing the dances, praying, & playing games with all the kids K-3rd grade.

For the first time in my life, I feel that our lives are built on a solid foundation. I love my husband in a completely different, deeper way because of Christ. I parent my children on a different level & I understand my role as their mother in a way that is hard to describe. We're somewhat 'new' to this so we are constantly learning, we are constantly sinning, & we are definitely not perfect. But, because Christ loves us, we understand that we are forgiven & can now make choices that are Godly instead of self-involved (for example: God placed on my heart awhile ago to have a 3rd baby & I ignored it until I couldn't anymore. I introduced it to Jason, we agreed to pray about it since he wasn't not a fan of the idea & one day he said God placed it on his heart too! I'm due in December:). We work hard everyday to seek Him, some days harder than others (we're working on that). Our journey to Christ has taken so many years, definitely tears, struggles, hardship, heartache, & heartbreak. Now that we've 'found' Him, we are so excited for our future & what He has in store for us! Thanks for reading this & sharing in the first part of our journey!

I love you all & will continue to pray for you!! :)